True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
