if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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