We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
