Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
