Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
