I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
