The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
