In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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