I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
