He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
