I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
