if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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