Ketchup is God's man juice
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
