I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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