i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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