just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
