whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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