i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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