Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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