I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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