I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
