I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
