I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
