bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
