I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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