I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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