I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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