I love black thongs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
