What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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