How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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