Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
3pm strippers are depressing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
