I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
