Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
