he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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