Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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