Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
