Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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