Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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