How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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