i permit you to call me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
