happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
