I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
