Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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