I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
