the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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