So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
