My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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