I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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