walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
