dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
