the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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