we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
