OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
