Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
