Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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