I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
