Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
