I'm going to jail i love you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had sex bonerless
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
