i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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