Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
